Lost My Ounce of Sanity
by Zabu Zabu Shin Sen Gumi
Summary: What happens when you mix together a pairing of Herr Stick and Germany and add Italy in the process? How will things REALLY turn out? ACHTUNG! Crazy pairings inside.
1. There's A Stick Waiting

Guten Tag, Luete~! As you know, if you follow me on DA, I've been uploading CRACK fictions on the websites. I recently got a request from one of my bestest friendies (was that too gay? Oh, I'm sorry!) to post them onto FF! Enjoy!

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One day, Germany was walking with his best friend forever Herr Stick when he saw Italy.

Germany wooed," I WUV YOU HERR SCHTICKY; YOU'RE THE BEST LITTLE STICK IN DA' WORLD!"

Italy looked at Germany like he was losing his mind. 'Doitsu, whacha' doing?'

Germany hugged Herr Stick fiercely. 'THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND, HERR STICK."

Italy looked up at the wooden piece of fibers his friend held up. His lips twisted into a forced smile. "Why, hello, HERR STICK!"

He took the branch from HIS Doitsu's hands and broke it down on his knee.

Germany looked blankly at the place where Herr Stick had been a second ago and then started bawling.

Italy patted him. "There are some things you just have to let go of, Doitsu," he said, brushing the wood splinters off of his knee.

The Italian looked at the broken twig, glaring at it before swearing, "Merda," at it and pulling Germany up.

"Come on, Doitsu! I'll cook your funny wursts tonight!" He screamed, dragging his comrade alongside of him.

"They're not funny!" sniffled the German, wobbling along as he and Italy linked arms and skipped off towards his house.

Italy took out a box of powdered sugar and filled the frying pan with it. Then he put the wursts in the frying pan and cooked it.

"Hey! You're not supposed to mix the sugar with my WURST!" Germany was outraged. His boyfriend had been broken and now, THIS! THIS! THIS DISASTER! WITH HIS WURSTS!

Italy turned around. "Oh, oops," he said, the wursts slowly sinking in the now-melted sugar. "I guess I forgot to add tomatoes." He turned around and threw some tomatoes into the frying pan.

Then Prussia walked in with Hungary chasing him. Hungary saw the frying pan and picked it up and hit Prussia with it, sending the sugar and wursts and tomatoes flying everywhere.

"Food FIGHT!" Sealand burst into the room with Latvia, who was seriously blushing. THERE HAD TO BE SOMETHING GOING ON.

England and France followed the pair, making out on the way while America angrily swore at the French Frog.

Germany felt bad about wasting the wursts and picked one off his shirt and ate it. it tasted very strange and he spit it out all over Latvia.

Then Russia ran in and sat on Latvia's head to push him down further.

"Get your Russian ass off of me!" Latvia yelled, but he couldn't be heard. Russia's jelly rolls were far too dense for sound to carry.

"What did you call me, da?" asked Russia as he ripped the faucet of out Germany's sink to twirl like a baton.

"N-nothing, s-si- Lord Russia-san!" Latvia gasped; Lithuania was at it! The brunette country slammed down a heavy wine bottle atop of Russia's head.

Poland swooped in through the window wearing a spandex miniskirt and hid behind Lithuania as Lithuania dragged Russia off of Latvia.

"I'm here, EVERYONE!" Canada burst through the kitchen walls. No one bothered to look up from the chaos they were creating.

Poland turned around and saw Canada and swooned into his arms as Russia fell to the floor with a thud, still twirling his faucet.

Canada caught Poland and yelled, "IM, THE HERO!" as everyone kept food fighting around him.  
Meanwhile Germany started feeding wursts covered in sugar to Italy.

"Hey! That's my LINE!" America shrieked, trying to get through the crowd. No one paid attention to him.  
"GET! OUT! OF! MY! WAYYY~!" He screamed. Nobody would look at him.

Just then Spain ran in and started throwing tomatoes at everyone while cussing them out, which did not improve anything at all.

He was followed by Romano who skipped in playing a guitar.

"Germany, i made a song for you," Romano called, heaving his guitar above his head.

Germany blushed, which Romano took as a yes, so he started singing the song he wrote about Germany.

No one could hear it though because Canada and Poland were making out too loudly.

"Mmmph!" Poland moaned, slamming his mate to the fridge door. Canada was on Cloud Nine. This was Heaven!

Then Sweden walked in and smiled at everyone until they were quiet as Finland glared by his side.

"Get a room, Hippie!" Antonio shouted at the pair, throwing tomatoes at Sweden. Romano followed along, singing, "Tomate, tomate, tomate-tomate!"

China crashed his car through the side wall and opened the door and got out, to greet everyone.  
Then Korea AND JAPAN crawled out of the trunk and waved.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN THERE?" Russia yelled before dunking his head in a bucket of vodka, fishing for cherries.

"LET ME JOIN YOU!" screamed china, running over and sitting in the bucket and smashing some of the cherries.

"I hitchhiked and Japan joined me," Korea grinned as he ate a hamburger.

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Tell me what you thought of it, OK? I want to know if I overdid the CRACK and pot and Mary Jane...


	2. I Just Go Insane When

At this point, Germany's kitchen was getting quite crowded, so he invited everyone into the bathroom where there was less space.

Russia filled the bathtub with vodka and started fishing for cherries again. With a grin, Germany stripped off all his clothes and hopped into the bathtub to bathe in the vodka.

Suddenly, Austria busted through the wall on a flashy red motorcycle and an electric guitar strapped to his back. He jumped off his bike and began rocking loudly. Everyone stared at him, and he ripped off his shirt to reveal his (highly toned) abs.

Japan then walked into the bathroom stark naked, but no one noticed because they were all listening to Austria's guitar playing.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Germany, however, was in the tub and wasn't able to answer, so Japan went to answer it.

"Pizza deli-" the pizza delivery girl didn't even finish her sentence as she caught sight of Japan and started fangirling on the floor.

"What was it, Japan?" called Germany from the bathroom.

"Oh, just the pizza delivery," Japan screamed as he hurried back with the pizza box.

Everyone in the bathroom passed the pizza around until it got to Italy in the back. Italy didn't know where to put it so he set it in the sink.

Russia, who was still bobbing for apples despite the fact that Germany was attempting to bathe in vodka, glanced up to see if the latter cared.

"I want our lips to become one," said Germany as he pulled Russia into a passionate kiss.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Ukraine had completely buried herself in sunflowers. Switzerland and Lichentstein walked in, and Ukraine leapt out of the sunflowers and scared them. Switzerland cowered behind Lichenstein as she whipped out a 9mm and missed Ukraine by inches. Ukraine then pulled out an AK-47.

Just then, Greece kicked the front door in and strolled up to them before he swooned gracefully into Turkey's arms.

Italy ran up and kissed Greece. As Greece tried to back away, Italy yelled "GREECE, LET'S GET MARRIEDMARRIEDMARRIEDMARRIED!" and followed him out the door.

Back in the bathroom, Spain moodily poured vodka into the toilet and lit it on fire. He then proceeded to light it and begin cooking tomatoes on skewers over it.

By this time, everyone was starting to notice Germany and Russia and began moving out of the bathroom to give them some privacy. They all went to Germany's closet. Spain ripped the toilet out of the floor and took it with him, still flaming.

And then everyone had a lovely barbeque in Germany's closet.

THE END.


End file.
